Wheels within Wheels

I was never great at soccer as kid, mostly because I thought too much about what was happening around me instead of just being in the moment and playing. I remember observing all the players on the field and seeing where the gaps were, how the teams were moving, trying to predict what would happen next. I wasn’t standing still on the field by any means, but I kept trying to be mentally ready for whatever was coming. Ironically, trying to envision all the possibilities usually left me unprepared whenever the action found its way over to me.

 

Lately I’m experiencing some déjà vu, that same feeling of trying to mentally keep up with everything that is happening around me, yet not always sure how to respond in the present moment. There are wheels within wheels turning in and around my life, each affecting the other, and I’m trying to make sense of what the outcome will be. The news cycle (seismic geopolitical shifts, AI, mass shootings, the environment…) coupled with a deluge of personal life events have made me feel like I’m back on the soccer field, trying to make sense of the patterns happening around me so fast I can barely keep up. I suppose I suffer from one of those conditions unique to the living: paralysis in the face of overwhelm.

 

As May began, I finished the first year of my Master of Systems Engineering program. In the second week of May, I traveled to Boston at the invitation of one of my friends from college. We are both out of the military now, and it was 10 years to the day since we commissioned together into the Air Force. Bookending that visit were two separate, finalist-level interviews for jobs in my local area, which I’m feeling cautiously hopeful about. And just this past weekend, I went to Hawaii to see some close friends and reminisced on the time my husband and I lived there. Now, with the end of May approaching, I’m also gearing up to participate in my first art festival. And with everything going on, I fell behind on my commitment to Le Mitz Art: to post regularly on social media, to keep a schedule for newsletters, and to build good habits for creating more art.

 

So many patterns taking place – anniversaries, growth, opportunities, challenges. Wheels within wheels within wheels within wheels…like a gyroscope, they keep spinning, their energy affecting each other, and contributing to an overall effect. The irony here is that this sort of complexity, where many parts affect each other and together create a summary outcome, is exactly why I got into systems engineering in the first place. It’s a discipline about understanding how to breakdown overlapping, complex issues and make tangible, achievable, and communicable solutions.

 

So the wheels keep spinning. What’s new, right? The wheels keep on spinning, the old and the new, the opportunities and challenges, the risks and the rewards. So it has been for all of us, and so it will continue, too.  

 

When I look back about everything I wrote on the events of May, I begin to feel an immense sense of gratitude. Despite the uncertainties, I’ve hit many milestones that I could not have predicted a year ago. I feel pride for what I’ve been able to accomplish, as well as the assistance I have received. This is all to say: I guess I’m still on the soccer field, not knowing what will happen next. Not for sure, at least – after taking time this month to reflect and focus, I feel I at least have a clearer picture about what I want, where I want to go, and which obstacles really merit losing sleep over. I wouldn’t say my priorities have changed, but I do feel more confident about why I am pursuing my goals. My goals right now are:

 

1. Building out Le Mitz Art – because I believe in the value of my art and the brand I am creating for myself.

 

2. Finishing my Master of Systems Engineering – because I want to work with others to solve complex problems that improve the lives of others.

 

3. Getting hired for a job in the northeast – to maintain a steady income, continue to grow my professional acumen, and stay physically near my family.

 

Wheels spinning within other wheels. Why not close out with some lyrics from Tina Turner’s “Proud Mary,” a song that heavily features wheels.

 

Left a good job down in the city

Working for the man every night and day

And I never lost one minute of sleeping

I was worrying about the way things might have been

 

You know that big wheel keep on turning

Proud Mary, keep on burning

And we’re rolling (rolling)

Rolling, yeah (rolling)

Rolling on the river (rolling on the river)